


I Can See The Lighthouse Through The Smoke

by bobbiejelly



Series: MerAdd My Heart <3 [124]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-22 20:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30044001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly
Summary: Meredith Grey, and how she makes her way back to her family again.Spoilers through GA-S17-E08. With a twist, of course :).
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery, Teddy Altman/Cristina Yang
Series: MerAdd My Heart <3 [124]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687834
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Road Not Taken](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7108099) by [ariaadagio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariaadagio/pseuds/ariaadagio). 



* * *

**I Can See The Lighthouse Through The Smoke**

* * *

_Meredith Grey, and how she makes her way back to her family again._

_Spoilers through GA-S17-E07. With a twist, of course :)._

* * *

"My mommy's gonna die?" Zola Grey-Shepherd yelps from the doorway, gawking at Amelia Shepherd and Atticus Lincoln who is currently rocking baby Scout in his arms.

"Well-" Amelia stutters before answering, choosing not to confirm or deny her statement that she never meant for her sister-in-law's eldest daughter to hear from her.

"I have to talk to her," Amelia sighs, flashing back to her childhood, and who she'd lost her father when she was young. How she had seen it. And how she had felt when it happened.

"What do you need?" Link asks her.

"Maggie, I need Maggie," says Amelia.

Link sends for Maggie, and Amelia brainstorms in her head what she can do to help Meredith's sister.

* * *

The numbers aren't looking good, and Teddy Altman is trying her best, but Meredith can't be taken off of the vent yet, and it's still sinking in that they'd had to put her on one in the first place.

Meredith is strong- Teddy knows this. She hadn't been around Seattle Grace for long when the woman had operated during a miscarriage during the hospital shooting, but the stories of the Grey girl even before then had been legendary.

The responsibility that she feels when she checks on Meredith is enormous; everyone cares for Meredith Grey. This hospital is her home, and all of them are her family.

All of them.

Teddy checks in on Meredith's numbers again. At least she's sleeping quite well these days.

It makes Teddy wonder what Meredith is thinking about…

* * *

"So you've seen a whole bunch of people on this beach," Meredith thinks to herself in her slumber. "It's a nice beach. Calm, serene. If I were awake I would take my kids here," Meredith imagines.

"Though it's a little morbid, because a lot of people that I see here are people who are gone, or about to go. It's a bit like my near-death whatever I had in my twenties when I was drowning. Or after I'd drowned. Or whatever."

"I think I could feel people around me at the time. I could hear faint voices of people talking about me. Caring for me. I think I even heard Addison's voice at the time…"

"And now I see Andrew DeLuca. Oh boy, that probably means that he's dying. At least he's dying a hero. And that he got to see his sister in the end," Meredith thinks to herself.

"And at least I got to see George again. And Derek- he was such a good father. For all that we've been through he was always a very good father…"

* * *

Amelia and Maggie take a long time to come to a conclusion about what to tell Zola.

And in the end, they finally decide on the truth.

"Can we stay here a little longer first?" Amelia asks Maggie.

"Of course we can," says Maggie.

It's funny- neither of them would have ever imagined this scenario years ago.

But no matter how they eventually found each other, they are sisters now, and they think of Meredith's kids as their family.

* * *

Bailey's asleep, and Richard Webber doesn't want to wake her.

She's been working so hard and it's been so terrible for her to have seen her mother dying.

Tom is recovering slowly, and Owen is recovering emotionally.

The interns are working against the impossible.

Nico and Levi are holding strong.

And at the very least, Carina has Maya. They're very good for each other.

* * *

Once Meredith sends Andrew DeLuca off to his mother, she feels hollow inside.

Another person that Meredith sees passes her by. "Everyone is leaving… And everyone is dying…" she once said after the plane crash.

That was when Mark and Lexie didn't make it, and Cristina moved away to Switzerland.

That was when Callie and Arizona stopped being happy.

And that was right before Bailey was born. So much has changed in her life, yet so little has. Meredith wonders what's going to happen next. She has honestly no idea.

* * *

They sit Zola down in the living room.

She has questions, and Amelia and Maggie aren't really sure they have answers.

"So, is she going to die?" Zola asks them outright.

"We don't know," Amelia eventually answers.

"Let's not tell Bailey and Ellis yet. Not until we have to," says Zola.

It breaks both of their hearts to see how young Zola had to be to be wise.

* * *

With things potentially going south, Teddy makes the difficult decision to call someone who she knows would never forgive her if she missed out on seeing Meredith before heaven forbid she might be gone.

"Cristina, she's not holding up that well. I think it might be time to think about paying her a visit…" Teddy sobs.

"I'll look into it right now, I'll be on my way," says Cristina.

There's not a lot of people that Cristina would take a plane for these days. They still scare the crap out of her, all these years later.

So she mainly stays around Europe, where there are trains and cars and busses. But if there are two people that Cristina would take a plane for, they'd be Meredith Grey, and Teddy Altman.

* * *

Meredith sits on the pier for a while, waiting for someone else to magically appear before vanishing.

She's gotten used to the eclectic nature of her present company at this point, and she's grown to enjoy it.

Soon enough she does see Lexie Grey, and Mark Sloan, and of course, they ended up together.

"Meredith!" Says Lexie in her overly-enthusiastic voice that Meredith once found terribly annoying, and now finds incredibly comforting.

"Hey," says Mark gruffly.

"Hey," says Meredith, as she greets them in passing. Apparently, Mark and Lexie, and Derek often hang out together in the afterlife. Go figure!

* * *

"There's someone I think you should tell thought," says Zola before she leaves Meredith's sisters.

"Who would that be, Zo?" Maggie asks her.

"I think you should call Addison. She'd want to know," says Zola.

"Who is?" Maggie asks briefly, and Amelia gives her the Cole's notes version.

"Her and Addison are friends. I think Addison would be sad if she never got to talk to Meredith again," says Zola.

"I'll call her," says Amelia. She knows what it feels like to not be the one getting a phone call.

* * *

Cristina arrives at three in the morning, and she has to isolate for at least ten days anyway.

She nervously fidgets around her hotel room, working from her tablet and her laptop as much as she can to keep up with her research.

Teddy calls her often to give her updates. Cristina is glad; she's missed Teddy's voice a lot.

Over the years no mentor has ever been more instrumental in shaping her; all of the others she's surpassed quickly, but not Teddy.

Teddy has always fought for her. And that's what Cristina spends her time contemplating.

She wonders what Meredith is contemplating these days.

* * *

Meredith sees her before she hears her, a long-legged, red-headed, still incredibly fabulous woman strutting down the beach in high-heels in a way that should really defy the laws of physics, but hey, physics is allowed to bend the laws of science from time to time in the afterlife.

When Derek appeared, the sand kept tripping her up and she couldn't get to him.

She hopes that this time it'll be different, because she wants to see Addison more than anything, and she bursts into a big smile when she sees Addison running towards her at the same time she starts running.

Addison does reach her, or she reaches Addison, and she doesn't care which either way. When they make contact with each other they fall to the sand, and Meredith hugs her friend harder than she ever thought possible.

"Addie- if you're here… If you're here with me now, it doesn't mean you're sick right? I mean you can't be. I hope you're not. I hope you're not dying like I might be dying, you have your son and-" Meredith rambles. She always rambles, but Addison lets her ramble for a little while before she shushes her.

"No, I'm not dying or ear dying," Addison chuckles. "I'm here because I'm _here,_ I'm visiting you in Seattle. Amelia called me. And I'm glad that she did," says Addison, and Meredith bursts into happy crying. Addison pulls the blonde tighter, and Meredith clutches her shirt before she buries her head into her hair. It's been a long time since they've seen each other. And now they just have to hold each other.

* * *

*

*

*

*

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***** **END OF CHAPTER 1**

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

**I Can See The Lighthouse Through The Smoke**

* * *

_Meredith Grey, and how she makes her way back to her family again._

_Spoilers through GA-S17-E08. With a twist, of course :)._

* * *

Addison Montgomery decides to drive to Seattle rather than fly there. It takes her three days, but she figures it's less risky than to go to the airport, and plus when she arrives there she won't have to worry about renting a car.

She crosses into the state border and heads right to the hospital.

It's the same as she remembers from years ago, only the name has been updated, and so has the sign on the front door.

It crushes her for a moment, remembering Lexie, remembering Mark.

Addison takes a deep breath before she gets out of her car and locks the door.

The last time she visited she said that nothing had changed since she'd left. Now she's pretty sure that everything has.

* * *

Zola, Bailey, and Ellis are all having a dance party with Maggie and Amelia, and Link and Winston.

Luckily for Maggie, Winston steps in when Maggie's not ready to dance.

Bailey and Ellis were quite young when their father died, so they don't remember it quite as vividly as Zola.

But Zola remembers, and she remembers her dad a lot.

It wears on her to keep pretending for her brother and sister, but she figures that's what her mom would do for her if she were here.

Zola also knows about Andrew DeLuca having died, and she thinks that all the sadness just melts together at times like this.

* * *

Teddy Altman is hopeful about taking Meredith off the ventilator.

She consults with Dr. Cormac Hayes about it, and he agrees, and Richard Webber agrees.

They'll go ahead with it later that afternoon.

It's a bizarre sort of moment when Miranda Bailey answers a page for her at the front door.

"Umm, hi. I'm here to visit, but if you need me to work also, I can do that too. I might umm… Be staying for a little while…" Addison stumbles. She never stumbles. Until maybe now.

"Oh, Addison it's been… It's been ages but yes, yes of course you can stay. By the power vested in me as Chief of Surgery, I hereby grant you privileges to save lives and see patients, and you need to get a test before you can come in here…" Bailey also rambles a little.

"Thank you," says Addison. "It's good to see you," says Bailey. She doesn't ask questions about why she's finally come back.

* * *

It's warm on the beach. It's always warm on the beach, and it's always cool in the sea. That's what Meredith has figured out about this liminal space as of late.

She shows Addison the dock, and the rocks that she likes to skip, and how the tides come in and out. And they've built a few sandcastles before they've washed away again. And then they just build them again.

It's been a while since they've talked about anything serious. Mostly they just catch up on how their lives have changed since they've last chatted. Addison updates Meredith on Henry; he might be getting braces soon, and he's not so thrilled about it.

Meredith updates Addison about her own kids; Bailey wants to go fishing but Derek never taught her how because it was his thing to do alone in the woods. Ellis loves school and she misses it. And Zola has read half of the books in the house, including Derek's.

They laugh, and they chat. And they feel very peaceful.

And then they see another figure emerge from the horizon, and they burst out laughing together when they finally recognize who it is.

* * *

Addison gets tested quickly and meets the quirky bunch of new residents.

"Wow, Dr. Montgomery, you look so fabulous," says the intern who performs it.

"Thank you, umm…" Addison squints to try to read the nametag.

"Dr. Perez," says the intern. "And you're very welcome," he answers.

Addison smiles, it's a small moment, but it's good to have some small happy moments.

"You're gonna kill it," says Dr. Perez. "You too, good luck," says Addison. And she's off to find Dr. Grey in the hospital ward.

* * *

Link's gone out for the day, and Maggie and Winston are off spending time together while Zola and Bailey, and Ellis do their best with their online homework.

Amelia calls Addison again, and promises that she can stay at the house if she wants to.

"I may or may not be asking you for help with the babysitting," says Amelia.

"I figured," Addison chuckles. "Plus I can't wait to meet that man of yours," says Addison.

"Oh just wait till you see the baby. Now Scout is handsome," says Amelia.

"I'll bet," says Addison. "I'll stop by later."

* * *

"Hi, I'm looking for room 407," Addison asks the closest person she can find who looks like a doctor.

The doctor looks at her like he's seen a ghost, and Addison has to explain that they're friends. "Meredith and I… We ended up getting along after everything, and when Amelia called me, I-" Addison fumbles a little.

"You know Amelia?" The doctor asks her.

"Yeah, do you?" Addison asks him.

"She's my ex-wife. I mean, my second ex-wife. Because Cristina was my first ex-wife, and then Amelia, and I never married Teddy because- and you didn't need to know that because we're just meeting and-" Owen also fumbles.

"Actually you look familiar, I think we met when I came back to deliver Callie's baby, you were on that case with us," says Addison. Owen nods at her, and he shows her the way to Meredith's room, finally placing her in his memory.

* * *

"Derek, is that you?" Addison calls out to the figure, who appears to be… Fishing?

"Addison…? What are you doing here…?" Derek chuckles.

"Well, you would know, if you were still alive so I could be leaving you phone messages," Addison also chuckles.

"You know, I never factored Addison into our reunion but okay, life is strange here sometimes," Derek laughs.

"Catching anything?" Meredith asks him. And Derek shakes his head and it makes Meredith and Addison giggle.

"So… This is cozy… Have you two finally decided that you're into threesomes? What, is that why I'm here? Because I've got to say, nothing really surprises me anymore…" Addison jokes lightly. Meredith and Addison just giggle along with her, and Derek keeps fishing, and Meredith lays her head atop Addison's shoulder.

* * *

Addison knocks on the door to Meredith's room, and gratefully, Teddy unlike Owen just now does immediately recognize her.

"Dr. Montgomery," says Teddy with a tearful expression, though she's trying to hide it. "It looks good today, but it hasn't in a while," she says.

"Can I see her?" Addison asks her.

"I'll give you some time," says Teddy as she steps aside and allows Addison to sit with Meredith for a while.

"Meredith… Don't do this…" Addison says with a pained expression. She's brought back to another decade, another lifetime, where she first saw Meredith just as lifeless but at that time frozen from having nearly drowned under Elliot Bay.

She made it that time, and she'll make it through this time. At least, that's what Addison keeps telling herself.

* * *

Addison presses the 'accept,' button when she sees an incoming call from Amelia Shepherd. It's Zola, updating her mom about her book report, and putting on a brave face for her.

"Thanks for coming, Addison," says Zola. "I know you and mom were like, friends," she says.

"You're welcome Zola," says Addison. "And… If you ever want to ask me anything… You know you're always welcome to…" Addison adds vaguely.

She's not sure what she's offering exactly, but she figures that being another caring and supportive adult in Zola and her sibling's lives can't hurt.

"Thanks," says Zola. "And I don't know if you met Bailey and Ellis, but they might want to say hi," says Zola.

"Hello," Bailey and Ellis say at the same time. Addison smiles. They look exactly like their parents.

* * *

Surprisingly, no one questions why Addison is suddenly here, but that she was expecting anyone to.

Richard stops by to see her too, and Addison teases him about Catherine Avery.

"So, you're finally settling down again, huh?" Addison smiles.

"I'm making some better choices nowadays," says Richard. "How about you?" Richard asks tentatively.

"Well, Jake and I are friendly," Addison says a bit stiffly. "We're separated now, but we're still friends," she says. "And he has Henry for a little while, while I came out here to visit," she adds on.

"And how is the practice, in L.A? Are you still operating these days?" Richard asks her, and they talk for a while. Nothing like a good surgery gossip.

* * *

"So how does this beach compare to Los Angeles?" Derek asks Addison.

"The same sun, fewer tourists here, I guess except for us," Addison laughs.

"You'll have to show me sometime," says Meredith hopefully.

"Yeah," says Addison wistfully.

"You know, I think your kids would get along with our kids," Derek says to Addison.

"You think so?" Meredith asks him hopefully. "Yeah, I think so."

* * *

Addison watches as Teddy tries to lower the sedation and the vent settings. Meredith seems to be responding for a little while, but she doesn't wake up entirely.

"We'll try again in a few days," says Teddy, looking crushed.

"Thanks for trying," says Addison.

"No problem," says Teddy.

"She might be able to hear you for the next little while," says Dr. Hayes.

"Thanks for letting me know," says Addison, and they let her sit next to Meredith for a little while longer.

* * *

Zola helps Amelia prepare a spare room for Addison.

It's not the easiest, seeing as there are already four children and many adults in and out of the house.

But this house has always been a safe haven for anyone who needs it, and Zola's grown up knowing that, so she fetches the extra sheets and helps Amelia lay them out on the bed.

"You know, if you and Link keep having babies someday we're gonna need a bigger house for us all," Zola giggles.

"Or else we'll all have to pack in like sardines," Amelia laughs with her.

"Or else I'll be big enough to move out," says Zola. "Maybe by the time I'm in college…" she muses.

* * *

Addison talks with Meredith about anything and everything before they bring in another tablet to stream Andrew DeLuca's funeral proceedings for Meredith.

Addison didn't know DeLuca, but she knew that he and Meredith had grown close for a while.

"He seemed like a good guy, a real hero," says Addison as they shut the screen off.

"We have a certain way of breeding heroes around here," says Teddy.

"And Meredith always seems to make herself one of them," says Dr. Hayes.

"That's for sure," Addison laughs, and she tells them about years ago, about Meredith with the bomb in her hand, and how she was only an intern back then.

* * *

"Meredith your kids need you, they'll be fine without you, but I don't know if you'll be fine without them," says Addison, only this time it's in a different voice, like it's coming from up above, or somewhere further away.

"Yeah, I know," says Meredith. "I couldn't live with myself if I didn't get to watch them grow up," says Meredith.

"I can still watch them from here, but it's not the same," offers Derek.

"Other people miss you too, Meredith," says the Addison-voice. "I miss you," she adds.

"I know," says Meredith. "I know I have to leave this beach and all, I'm just gathering my strength for it," says Meredith.

"It's okay Meredith, Addison will be there for you when you wake up," says Derek. Meredith giggles, and Addison moves to hold her, and Derek almost catches a fish before he drops it again. And for a minute, it's the reunion they never had, but it offers them the transition that they possibly have always needed.

* * *

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***** **END OF CHAPTER 2**

* * *


End file.
